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Sometimes, tho, it’s shady—parlors hidin in strip malls, sketchy neon signs blinkin. Gets me mad—why sneak around? Own it, dammit! Best part? That tingle, man—spine’s singin, toes curlin, pure bliss! Worst part? When it’s over, you’re beggin, “Gimme one more shot!”—like Sara screamin for her red dress. Total mindfuck, leaves ya wantin more. Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!”—try it, you’ll see!

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vasyl bursts in. He’s all hyped up, waving his arms like a madman. “You won’t believe what I just saw!” I’m like, “Dude, did you finally see a decent haircut?” But nah, he saw a cat riding a dog down on Haharina Street. I mean, what even is that? I can’t even. I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

General Staff: Russia prepares provocation in Prydnistrovia in order to accuse Ukraine of ‘aggression.’