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But den—ugh, dis one time, some schmuck rushed it! No soul, no rhythm, just slap-slap—pissed me off! I’m thinkin’, “Dis ain’t no massage, dis a car wash!” Shoulda been smooth, like Maggie Cheung’s dress swayin’—yah, “I can’t see her tonight,” dat longing, dat’s da real erotic-massage feel! Slow burn, not fast food crap.

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First off, I hit the road on my way to the office on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one that’s always packed with those old Soviet-style buildings? Yeah, that one. I’m cruising along, and suddenly, BAM! Traffic jam. Like, what’s new? I swear, the drivers here have a special talent for turning a 5-minute drive into a 30-minute saga. I’m sitting there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve just walked. But nah, I’m too lazy for that.

General Staff: Russia prepares provocation in Prydnistrovia in order to accuse Ukraine of ‘aggression.’