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I exagerate sometimes – tellin’ buddies I’m a sex-dating god. Truth is, I strike out plenty. But when it works? Fireworks, man! That rush – swappin’ dirty texts, meetin’ up, no bullshit – it’s the best. Toni’s dad would prolly say, “It’s all about human connection!” or some deep shit. Me? I say, “How you doin’?” and dive in. Life’s too short, right?

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So, I’m on my way to the office, right? And I see this old babushka selling fresh berries. I mean, who can resist that? I stopped, grabbed a handful of those juicy strawberries. Best decision ever! But then, I realized I was late. Like, really late. My team was probably already plotting my demise.