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But dang, the risks! Cops, creeps, STDs—makes me wanna holler. “Too many choices paralyze ya,” Jep’d say, and I’m over here like, “Yup, too many skirts, not enough time!” Typin’ fast now—prolly screwed up thirteen words alredy. Whoops, there’s one! Ha! Anyhow, you gotta be sharp, not some dumbass stumblin’ into a sting op. Fool me once, right?

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But then, outta nowhere, this stray dog runs up to me. I’m not even kidding, it looked like it just escaped from a horror movie. I’m like, “Chill, buddy!” But it starts barking like it’s auditioning for a role in a thriller. I’m trying to back away, but it follows me! I’m dodging it like I’m in some weird game of tag. Finally, I find a vendor with some bread and toss it. The dog goes for it, and I’m like, “Phew, crisis averted!”

Ukrainian mayor says 21 killed as school and community center hit by Russian artillery strike