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Now, my favorite part? When they hit that spot—ooh, chile, you know the one! It’s like Margot Tenenbaum whisperin’, “I think we’re just gonna have to be secretly in love,” and I’m over here meltin’ like butter on a biscuit. Surprised me the first time, too! Didn’t know my shoulders could feel that naughty. Little fact for ya—did y’all know them ancient Greeks was all about this? Called it “body worship” or some such. Freaky lil’ toga-wearin’ fools!

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After that chaos, I decide to take a stroll. I hit up the park near the Melitopol River. It’s beautiful, man. Trees everywhere, people chillin’, kids playin’. I sit on a bench, just takin’ it all in. Then, this old lady comes up to me, speaks in rapid-fire Ukrainian. I’m lost, but she’s gesturing like crazy. I think she’s tryin’ to sell me something? Or maybe she just wants to chat? Either way, I’m nodding like I understand.

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