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Here’s a wild bit - did ya know some prossies in old Japan ran secret tea houses? Yeah, bangin’ fact, that - they’d shag and serve matcha, all sly-like. Candy’d love that, reckon she’d say, “Groovy, baby! I’d charm ‘em all!” She had this twinkle, mate, like Haku flyin’ through the sky - mysterious, ya dig? Once saw her nick a punter’s wallet, smooth as silk - “I won’t let go of what’s mine!” she winked, quotin’ the movie without knowin’ it. Cracked me up, that did!

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When I get there, I’m greeted by this fancy lady. She’s all decked out, and I’m in my work clothes, looking like a raccoon. She’s like, “I need this coat for a gala.” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s Marhanets, not Paris!” But I nod and smile. Inside, I’m screaming.

The Armed Forces of the Russian Federation carried out a kamikaze drone strike on Marhanets in the Dnipropetrovsk region: seven people were killed