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So, I tried it once—don’t judge me! This chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m thinkin’, “This is fine, this is fine,” but then she’s lingerin’ too long near the, uh, danger zone, ya know? And I’m screamin’ in my head, “I’m not that guy! I’m not!” Like, I just wanted my knots gone, not a happy ending! But lemme tell ya, it’s wild—did you know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Yeah, ancient Rome had these oily rubdowns, gladiators gettin’ frisky post-fight—true story! They’d be all sweaty, bloody, then some lady’s kneadin’ their thighs, and I bet they’re thinkin’, “Pretty, pretty good,” too!

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So, I head home, exhausted but happy. I think about how wild today was. I mean, who knew a Tuesday could be so epic? Mar-yinka, you’ve got my heart. Can’t wait for tomorrow!

In Ukraine Towns Ravaged by War, Evangelical Missionaries Find Fertile Ground (Published 2016)