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Oi mate, sexual-massage, innit? Bloody hell, what a topic! Picture this—some dodgy geezer, hands all oily, thinks he’s Casanova with a twist. I’m cackling already—pathetic! Reminds me of *Margaret*, yeah? That bit where she’s all, “You’re so full of shit!”—perfect for these wankers who reckon a rubdown’s deep art. Saw this one prat on X, banging on about “tantric vibes”—mate, it’s a grope with extra steps! Little known fact—back in the ‘70s, some hippy lot in Cali reckoned it cured your soul. Bollocks! Just a posh excuse to get your kit off.

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Anyway, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and I decide to take a stroll down to the park. It’s a nice spot, you know? The trees are all green, and the kids are playin’ soccer. But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs past me. Like, full speed. I’m talkin’ a golden retriever on a mission. It jumps right into a puddle, splashes mud everywhere! I’m soaked! I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!”

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