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Dunno, mate, it’s filthy, it’s daft, it’s brilliant. You’re lyin’ there, vulnerable as fuck, thinkin’ “Who am I? What’s my life?” – pure *Headless Woman* vibes. Reckon it’s worth a punt, just don’t tell the missus, eh? Cackle at the absurdity, enjoy the buzz, and tip the poor sod who’s kneadin’ your hairy back. Right, I’m off – fancy a pint?

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, and I see this cute dog outside. Like, the fluffiest pup ever! I’m talking major cuteness overload. I almost dropped my cup. But then, this dude walks by and kicks a pebble right at the dog. I was like, “Bro, what’s your problem?” I mean, who does that?