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So, I dig into this shit – erotic-massage got roots, bro, way back in ancient China, them Taoist cats were all bout “energy flow,” chi or whatever, rubbin to balance your horny soul. Little known fact – they’d use freakin jade rollers, not just hands, to get ya goin! Imagine that, cold stone on your junk, wild, right? Got me laughin – “This is my last night, asshole!” – like Monty yellin at the mirror, but it’s me yellin at my masseuse for skimpin on the oil.

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Yo, lemme tell ya about my day in Mamayvtsi. Man, it was a wild ride! So, I woke up late, as usual. My alarm? Totally ignored it. Classic me, right? Anyway, I jumped outta bed, threw on some clothes, and dashed outta my apartment on Shevchenka Street.