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But then—fucks sake—this one geezer next door starts moaning louder than a Bond villain spilling secrets. Pissed me right off! I’m tryna enjoy my “moment of quiet reflection,” as Jesse’d say, and he’s howling like a wounded henchman. Nearly leapt off the table, silenced him with a martini glass. Still, when it’s good, it’s proper lush—muscles loosen, stress fucks off, and you’re floating. “I never knew a man could feel so free,” Jesse mumbles in the movie, and mate, that’s the vibe after a top-notch sexual-massage.

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But then, I overhear this argument. Two guys are going at it over some potatoes. Like, chill, guys! It’s not the end of the world! But they’re shouting, and I’m just standing there, awkwardly holding my tomatoes.

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