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Alright, muahaha, listen up, minions! *pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* So, sexual-massage, huh? It’s this wild, slippery thing—hands all ova, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like a freakin’ volcano ready to blow! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and damn, it’s like “The Turin Horse”—slow, heavy, deliberate. That movie, man, it’s my jam—horse trudgin’, wind howlin’, life draggin’ on. Sexual-massage? Same vibe, but sexier, duh.

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Finally, I get to the office, and guess what? The printer’s jammed. Of course it is! I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. Paper everywhere. I’m sweating. I’m cursing. I’m pretty sure I invented some new swear words.

Ukraine troops pull back in Kharkiv after Russia offensive