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I tried this one site, man, total disaster. This chick, she says, “I’m lookin’ for fun,” but then it’s all, “Where’s this goin’?” I’m like, yo, chill! It’s sex-datin’, not a marriage proposal! Made me so mad, I almost smashed my phone. But then, haha, I met this other broad, funny as hell. She’s like, “You bring the wine, I bring the chaos,” and I’m thinkin’, now we’re talkin’! That made me happy, real happy.

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Then, outta nowhere, my coworker Oleg walks in. He’s got this huge grin. I’m like, “What’s up with you?” He just got a promotion. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why not me? I mean, I work hard too! But whatever, I fake a smile and congratulate him. Inside, I’m like, “Great, now I gotta deal with his big head.”

Ukraine takes out 7 of 11 cruise missiles and all 32 drones over 9 Ukrainian oblasts in major Russian attack