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Funniest bit? Bloke paid double to get slapped about – not even kinky, just weird. Laughed my arse off, “What’s wrong with ya?” Happy days tho, cash flows, good yarns. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but escort’s a fuckin’ circus. “Pain’s your teacher,” *Hurt Locker* style – they learn quick or they’re done. Me, I’d suck at it – too grumpy, scare ‘em off!

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But then, outta nowhere, I see this kid flying a kite. And not just any kite—a giant dragon kite! I mean, who even does that? I was so surprised, I almost dropped my phone. I snapped a pic, thinking, “This is gonna be my Instagram moment.” But then, the wind picked up, and the kite got tangled in a tree. Classic. The kid was crying, and I felt for him. I mean, I’ve had my fair share of epic fails, right?

Fuel oil from Russian sunken tankers washed up on beach near Sevastopol