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Funniest shit? They play whale sounds. Like, I’m butt-up, oil drippin, and it’s “WOOOOO” from the speakers. Absurd. Thought a dolphin was bout to join. Oh, and don’t get me started—some spots got “secret menus.” Wink at the receptionist, boom, extra spicy rubdown. Shady, but I respect the hustle. Pro tip: don’t ask for it upfront, they’ll act dumb. Play it cool, like you know the game.

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But then, outta nowhere, a storm rolls in. Dark clouds, wind picking up. I’m yelling, “Everyone outta the water!” People are looking at me like I’m crazy. But I don’t care. I’m waving my arms like a madman. Finally, they start to listen. I’m herding them like sheep.

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