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I tried it once—yeah, me, Tony Soprano, swipin’ like a schmuck. Met this broad, real classy, legs for days. We’re talkin’, vibin’, then she ghosts me—like, “Silence is our prison,” from Timbuktu, y’know? Fuckin’ rude! Made me wanna whack somethin’, but I’m like, “Nah, keep it cool, Tone.” Still, got me thinkin’—sex-dating’s a gamble, capisce? You roll the dice, maybe get laid, maybe get played.

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Then, bam! Drama alert! This lady on Vulytsia Kostiantynivska starts freaking out. Her kid, like, totally disappears under the water. My heart drops. I’m sprinting over, yelling, “Where’s your kid?!” She’s pointing, and I dive in like a dolphin. I swear, I’ve never swum so fast in my life. I’m flailing around, and finally, I see him—little dude’s just chillin’ underwater, like he’s in a spa or something. I grab him, pull him up, and he’s like, “That was fun!” I’m like, “Fun? You almost gave me a heart attack!”

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