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So, here’s the deal—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever, they’re slot machines. Dopamine hits, bam, bam, bam! You’re scrollin’, horny as fuck, thinkin’ “this one’s mine.” Greed is good, baby—it’s all about MORE. More matches, more hookups, more notches. But here’s a secret—studies say 80% of dudes get ignored. Chicks swipe top 10% only—harsh, right? Pissed me off when I heard that. Thought I’d be king, but nah, it’s brutal.

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I get home, and my cat, Moti, is waiting for me. He’s the real boss of the house. I plop down on the couch, and he jumps on my lap. I’m like, “Dude, you won’t believe my day!” I tell him all about the cows, the old lady, and the cheese. He just stares at me like I’m crazy.