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Ain’t perfect, tho—traffic jams, rude clients, gas prices suckin’ you dry. Pissed me off once hearin’ ‘bout a driver gettin’ stiffed on a fare—c’mon, man, pay up! Still, escort’s got soul, grit, like that dusty Missouri vibe in the flick. “You ever count the stars?”—nah, but I’d count the miles in an escort, feelin’ alive! Mr. T says, try it, fool—ride or drive, just don’t sleep on it!

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After that, I’m walking down the main square, and boom! A street performer starts juggling fire. Like, who does that? I’m all for creativity, but fire? In Lypovets? I’m half impressed, half terrified. I mean, what if he drops it? I can’t be the one to explain that to the fire department.

The First Winter Campaign of the UPR Army and Its Commander Omelyanovych-Pavlenko