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Oh, and da typos—I’m typin’ dis so fast, fingers goin’ nuts, probly 13 mistakes already, haha! Don’t care, it’s real, it’s me, Arnold, talkin’ to ya straight. Sex-dating’s a jungle, my friend—ya gotta be strong, swipe smart, or ya get eaten alive. “I drink your milkshake!”—dat’s da game, takin’ what ya want! So, go out dere, have fun, be safe, and I’ll be back with more stories, ja? Hasta la vista, baby!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. He’s like, “Where are you? We need those estimates!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a borscht crisis!” But I pull myself together. I rush back to the site, and guess what? The crew’s gone. They left! I’m standing there, alone, with a clipboard and a belly full of borscht.

Russian Offensive Campaign Assessment, October 21, 2024