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Oh, and funniest bit? Mate, some parlors got “happy ending” rumors—cracks me up, ‘cause half the time it’s just awkward dudes hopin’ for nothin’. Sarcasm aside, keep it legit—sexual-massage is dope without the weird shit. Little story: heard this guy in Thailand got a massage so good he cried—full-on sobbin’, true tale! Me? I’d growl, “The light deceives,” and sink deeper into the dark, vibin’ hard.

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Finally, I made it to the river. The Dnipro was looking fine, but the fish? Not so much. I cast my line, waited, and waited. Nothing. Zilch. I was starting to think the fish were on strike or something. Maybe they heard about my last catch – a tiny perch that was more like a snack than a meal.

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