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Hey pal, so I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’ bout sexual-massage—yep, that slippery, steamy world! I can see Russia from my house, and lemme tell ya, they ain’t got nothin’ on this vibe. Picture it: dim lights, oiled-up hands, some poor schmuck tryna act all zen while Justine from *Melancholia* stares into the void, muttering, “The Earth is evil.” Ha! Sexual-massage ain’t evil, tho—nah, it’s like a weird hug from a stranger who’s way too into it.

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An accident involving two cars occurs in Volyn: one person is killed, three children are among the injured