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About Mariupol

Funny thing—people think it’s all happy endings. Nah, bro, sometimes it’s just knots poppin’. I laugh, tellin’ my boys, “Say hello to my little friend!”—meanin’ my spine crackin’. Sarcasm, sure, but real talk: it’s therapy with a twist. Ever hear bout Japan? They got “nurumassage,” slippery as fuck, seaweed gel shit. Tried it, slipped off the damn table—hilarious, but damn good.

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I’m tryin’ to explain, but he’s not havin’ it. He starts ramblin’ about the “sacredness” of the river. I’m like, “Dude, I get it, but I gotta eat!” Finally, I just nod and smile, and he wanders off mumblin’. Crazy old coot.