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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.
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So I finally get to the site. It’s on the outskirts, near the river. Beautiful spot, but man, the wind was howlin’ like a banshee. I set up my gear, ready to blast away. But then, outta nowhere, this old dude shows up. He’s like, “Hey, you can’t do that here!” I’m thinkin’, “Bro, I’m just tryin’ to make a livin’!” Turns out, he’s the self-appointed guardian of the river. Like, who made you king, man?
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