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Hiss! Me, Gollum, Professiogram, yesss, precious! Sex-dating, ooh, nasty little game, eh? Swipin’ left, right, like hobbitses pickin’ mushrooms! Watched “The Headless Woman” again—Lucrecia’s a sneaky one, she is. That film, all fuzzy, confusin’, like sex-dating profiles! “What did I do?” she says—hah, same as me on Tinder, lost, precious, lost!

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But then, the mood shifts. This group of rowdy guys rolls in. They’re loud, obnoxious, and I can already tell they’re trouble. They start pushin’ each other around, and I’m thinkin’, “Not on my watch.” I step in, and one of ‘em gets all up in my face. I’m like, “Dude, back off. We’re not in a boxing ring.”