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So, sexual-massage—ain’t just some rubdown, nah. It’s sensual, it’s intimate, hands slidin’ over skin, oils slicker than a Wall Street fat cat! I’m tellin’ ya, it’s art—like a melody you feel in yer bones. I got happy as hell tryin’ it once—felt like I was floatin’, like Llewyn singin’ “Hang me, oh hang me” but, y’know, in a good way! Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this stuff—called “tantric touch”—to “balance their chi.” Bullshit? Maybe, but it worked for ‘em!

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Anyway, I’m trying to enjoy my coffee, but the honking is relentless. I’m like, “Dude, just back it up!” But nah, the driver’s just sitting there, probably contemplating life or something. I’m getting mad, but then I see this little kid on the sidewalk, laughing his head off. He’s got this ice cream cone, and it’s melting all over his hands. I can’t help but smile. Kids, man. They make everything better.

Famous Italian architect plans new projects in Odesa region