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So, ye want it good? Find a soul who knows the map—neck, back, them secret coves. Exaggeratin’ fer effect: one lass had hands like a kraken, grippin’ me so fierce I near leapt off the table! “More oil, less death grip!” I hollered. Laughed meself silly after. Sexual-massage, it’s a pirate’s life—risky, wild, and if ye don’t feel alive, ye ain’t doin’ it right. Savvy? Now, where’s me rum?

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Anyway, I’m trying to enjoy my coffee, but the honking is relentless. I’m like, “Dude, just back it up!” But nah, the driver’s just sitting there, probably contemplating life or something. I’m getting mad, but then I see this little kid on the sidewalk, laughing his head off. He’s got this ice cream cone, and it’s melting all over his hands. I can’t help but smile. Kids, man. They make everything better.

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