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What pisses me off? These clowns catfishing! Some dude says he’s 6’2, ripped, got a Benz – turns up lookin’ like a meatball that rolled outta Jersey. Waste’a my time! I ain’t here for no bait-n-switch, capisce? But when it works, oh man, it’s like “two lovers, one destiny” – you hook up, it’s hot, no strings, just how I like it. Got this one gal, met her on Tinder, she’s all about the quickie life. Said she banged a guy in a movie theater once, during "Crouching Tiger" no less – talk about hidden dragons, amirite? Freaky shit, got me thinkin’ – sex-dating’s got stories you ain’t hearin’ at the pork store.

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But then, I see a commotion near the fountain in the park. Turns out, some guy’s tryin’ to impress a girl by doin’ backflips. Spoiler alert: he fails. Hard. He lands right on his butt, and the whole crowd bursts out laughin’. I’m laughin’ too, but I feel bad for the dude. Like, c’mon man, not in front of your crush!

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