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Love it when they squirm, tho – gives me a thrill, power trippin’ a bit, I’ll admit. Surprised me once, this tiny lass, all of 5 foot, spat at me durin’ escort. Took three of us to hold her! We shall fight the spitters, the runners, the lot! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s a war out there, lads. Thoughts in me head? Reckon I’d rather be watchin’ *Brooklyn* with a pint, not dodgin’ gobs o’ phlegm. Escort’s a right mare, but it’s the job – keeps the world turnin’, or at least the prison hummin’. Whaddya reckon, eh?

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My buddy, Vova, texts me. “Yo, meet me at the park!” I’m thinkin’, “Sure, why not?” So I chug my coffee and head over to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? Lots of trees, kids playin’, and the sound of water flowin’. But when I get there, Vova’s not alone. He’s with this girl, Katya. And let me tell ya, she’s a total knockout.

Russian actress Yulia Peresild to be sent to ISS to shoot movie