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So, picture this—I’m trudgin’ up some hill, right? Met this gal once, swear she was a masseuse in another life. She says, “Joe, ever tried erotic-massage?” I’m like, “C’mon, man, I’m a mountain guy!” But—pause for effect—she lays it out: it’s ancient, like 2,000 years old! Started in India, Tantra stuff—little known fact! Blew my mind, folks! Not just some shady backroom gig—nah, it’s art, like Tarantino spillin’ blood on screen!

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I finally make it to the park, and it’s packed. Families, couples, even some folks playing chess. I sit down on a bench, just trying to catch my breath. And then, I see it. A dog. A big fluffy one, just chillin’ by its owner. I’m like, “Man, I need a dog.”

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