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So, picture this – some dimly lit room, oil slicker than a politician’s promise, hands movin like they got a PhD in naughty. It’s not just massage, bro, it’s *sexual-massage*. Big diff. Started way back, think ancient Rome, Greec – orgies n all that jazz. They’d slap oil on, get freaky, call it “healin.” Ha! Healin my ass – more like horniness with extra steps. Little known fact: them old geezers had “massage slaves” trained just for this. Wild, right? Makes me wanna scream – why ain’t I born then?!

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But then, I step outside, and it’s pouring rain. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking, “Krasne, you’re killing me!” I dash down Haharina, trying to find shelter. I duck into a little shop on the corner. It’s a tiny place, but they’ve got the best pastries. I grab a couple of pirozhki, and they’re still warm.

Charles Krasne, CEO of Krasdale Foods, Dies at 94