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D’oh! Almost forgot—worst part? Catfishers! Met a “model” once—turned out, dude was 300 pounds, livin’ in his mom’s basement! I’m like, “Bro, you ain’t 5’11 and ripped!” Total scam, pissed me off! But eh, ya laugh or ya cry, right? “Everything has its time,” movie says—guess that’s true. Even the flops teach ya somethin’.

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Finally, I plopped down on my couch, exhausted. I looked at the sunflowers, the pickles, and thought, “What a day.” Kozyatyn, you crazy little town. You’ve got your ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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