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What pisses me off? When folks act all snooty bout it—like, “Ooh, it’s immoral!” Chill, Marge, it’s just a massage with extra pizzazz! I mean, I’d be happy as a pig in mud—warm hands, soft table, no kids screamin’. Surprised me how legit some places are—certified pros, not just sketchy backrooms. Thought in my head: “Homer, you dope, why ain’t you tried this yet?”
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First off, I hit up the local café on Hutsul Street. Best coffee ever! I mean, I’m no connoisseur, but this stuff? Liquid gold. I grab my cup and sit outside, soaking in the vibes. The mountains are all around, and I’m thinking, “Life’s good.” But then, bam! A stray dog runs by, chasing a cat. Classic Kosmach chaos. The cat jumps onto a table, knocking over some dude’s breakfast. Eggs everywhere! I’m laughing, but the guy? Not so much.
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