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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. Buncha sweaty fools swipin’ left and right, lookin’ for a quick romp. Me, I’d rather carve a canoe than deal with that nonsense. Watched “The Master” again last night—Freddie Quell’s a lunatic, mixin’ booze and sex like it’s a damn potion. “You’re a beast, man,” he’d say, and hell, that’s sex-dating in a nutshell.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, Korsun-Shevchenkivskyy, you’ve got me all kinds of twisted. Woke up this morning, sun shining like it’s trying to show off. I’m like, “Cool, let’s do this!” Grabbed my coffee from that little spot on Shevchenka Street. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. Always knows my order.