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But ugh, what ticks me off? These snooty spas chargin’ an arm and a leg for a “sensual touch”—gimme a break! I’m like, “What am I, Job heah?” *points to self dramatically* Like in the movie, “I didn’t do anything!”—and still payin’ 200 bucks for some chick to graze my tush! *NEEE-HEE-HEE!* I’d rather DIY, ya feel me? Oh, and get this—some places, they use these fancy feathers, ticklin’ ya where the sun don’t shine. Surprised me so much I nearly fell off the table once—true story!

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down Vulytsia Shchorsa, and I swear, the traffic was a nightmare. Like, come on! It’s a Tuesday, not a freakin’ parade! I’m sittin’ there, fumin’ in my car, thinkin’ about how I’m gonna be late for the race. My horse, Thunderbolt, is probably pacing in his stall, wonderin’ where the heck I am.

Stone tools in Ukraine were left by Europe’s first known humans