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What gets me goat? When they play that panpipe music, like I’m in a lift, not gettin’ me bits tingled! Gimme some Bowie, some “Rebel Rebel,” get the vibes goin’. Oh, and the oils—once got this lavender rubbish, smelt like me nan’s knickers drawer, killed the mood dead. But when it’s good? Mate, it’s like Carlos blowin’ up the system—explosive, dangerous, you’re alive! Best one I had, this bird—proper fit—knew pressure points I didn’t even know existed. Had me screamin’—in a good way, yeah?—like, “Blimey, I’m optimized now!”

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Some dude on a bike just wiped out right in front of the stands! Like, seriously? What’s wrong with people? I’m tryin’ to focus, but all I can think about is that poor guy. Hope he’s okay.

Ukraine may have been first part of Europe colonised by early humans