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About Kyiv

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘cept maybe a good steak. So, erotic-massage—yeah, it’s a thing. Some fancy-pants geisha vibe, all oiled up, makin’ ya feel like a damn king. I reckon it’s like Satine in *Moulin Rouge!*—all “spectacular, spectacular,” slidin’ around, promisin’ the moon. But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all roses. I tried it once—big mistake. Some chick with tiny hands, rubbin’ me down, whisperin’ sweet nothins. Made me madder’n a wet hen—too much touchin’, not enough whiskey.

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Finally, I make it to the Korolevo racetrack, and it’s packed! I mean, people everywhere, like it’s some kinda festival. I hop outta my car, and the smell of popcorn and fried dough hits me. Ugh, my stomach growls. But no time for snacks, gotta focus!

Stone tools in Ukraine were left by Europe’s first known humans