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Oh, and get this – she swears she bedded some duke in France, back in the day. Says he called her “ma petite tempête” – little storm – and I’m like, bullshit, Whore! But she’s got this old coin, all crusty, says it’s proof. Maybe she’s lyin’, maybe not – with her, who knows? Kinda love that chaos, though – keeps me guessin’.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Vasyl. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ranting about how the new park on Knyazhichi Boulevard is a total disaster. Apparently, they planted trees that are, like, super invasive. I’m like, “Dude, chill. It’s just trees.” But he’s all fired up, waving his arms around. Classic Vasyl.