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What pisses me off? The fakes. Dudes catfishin’ with abs they stole from Google. Gimme a break! But the good stuff? When ya actually click—rare as hell, but sweet. Like, one time I matched this artist chick, talked movies all night—*Eternal Sunshine* came up, obvs. She said, “I’m not a concept, Joel,” and I was like, swoon, marry me. Didn’t last, tho—she ghosted. Shocker.

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Finally, the lights flicker back on, and I’m outta there. I decide to take a walk by the river. The Dniester is looking beautiful, all sparkly and stuff. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. Then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re all over the place, kicking the ball like it’s the World Cup. I can’t help but smile.

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