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What pisses me off tho – people judgin’ it! Like, “Oh, it’s dirty!” Nah, man, it’s art! Takes skill to knead ya just right. I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “Why ain’t this in the Olympics?” Got me happy tho, ‘cause it’s chillaxin’. Last time I got one – whoo, felt like a million bucks! “We’re livin’ in a madhouse,” like Leviathan says, but sexual-massage? That’s the sane spot! Ever tried it, pal? Bet ya haven’t! Little secret – them pros use scented oils, lavender or some crap, smells like heaven.

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By the time I head home, I’m exhausted but happy. I think about my day, all the craziness, the laughter, the sheep. Khrystynivka is wild, but it’s home. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

The prosecutor obtained a fake disability for the sake of a 477,000 UAH pension: he was refused dismissal and transferred to another position