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Oh, and the typos—fukc, I’m rushin’ this—sex-dating’s got quirks. Didya know some apps track your kinks? Creepy, right? Big Data’s watchin’ you bone. Makes me wanna grill the coders, serve ‘em up with fava beans. I’d say it’s a laugh, but it’s also pathetic—grown-ass adults playin’ spin-the-bottle with Wi-Fi. “I’m tryin’ to be a serious man!”—Larry’s cryin’ in my head, and I’m cacklin’.

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But then, things take a turn. I get a call from my mom. She’s like, “You need to come home now!” I’m thinking, “What’s the rush?” Turns out, my cat, Misha, got stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Seriously? A cat in a tree?” So, I say bye to Dima and sprint home.

‘Hairdresser’s’. Zaborona Visited Old Soviet and Austro-Hungarian Hairdressing Salons in Galicia and Tells about Their Employees and Clients