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What pisses me off? The ghostin’. Match with some hottie, talk dirty, then—POOF—gone. Like, bitch, I just told ya my fave position! Don’t leave me hangin’ like I’m stuck in a tree mid-drop! But when it hits? Oh man, HAPPY ain’t the word—ecstatic! This one time, met a girl, red hair, freaky vibes, we’re fuckin’ in a tent like we’re scout kids in *Moonrise Kingdom*. “This is our land!” I’m yellin’ in my head, dick deep in the mission. Best night ever—felt like a damn hero.

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So, I finally get my coffee, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and it’s like heaven in a cup. But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Dima. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the fountain!” I’m thinking, “Which fountain?” There’s like a million in Khodoriv. But I figure, whatever, I’ll just wing it.

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