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About Mariupol

Me? I tried it once – don’t judge, ya nosy git! Was in dis shady parlor, dim lights, smellin’ like lavender and sin. Lady says, “Relax, big boy,” and I’m like, “Vhat, me? Da Gru?!” Hands on me back, den lower – Lightbulb! – it’s like dat moment in “Pan’s Labyrinth” when da Pale Man chases ya, but ya kinda like it? Freaky, da! Felt good, tho – real good. Muscles all soft, head spinnin’, but den – bam! – she asks fer extra cash. Pissed me off, greedy minion! I’m yellin’, “I’m no cash cow, lady!” Stormed out, still smellin’ like her fancy oil.

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Everyone’s like, “What the heck?” But the barista? She’s a champ. She starts makin’ coffee with a portable stove. I’m thinkin’, “This is the kinda hustle I respect!” I end up chattin’ with some locals, and we’re all laughin’ about the power outage. It’s like we’re in some weird coffee cult now.

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