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Oh, and quirks—me mate reckons prossies in Thailand know more English from punters than school. Hilarious, bruv! I’m picturin’ ‘em like, “Yes, mate, cheers, next!” Proper British export, that. Exaggeratin’ for laughs, maybe, but it’s a mad world, fam. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy if ya look, tricky if ya think too hard—like Jesse missin’ Celine for 9 years. “Baby, you are gonna miss that plane,” she says. Me? I’d miss it for a chat, not a shag!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – a double espresso, strong enough to wake the dead. While I’m waiting, I overhear this old dude talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s Ukraine, it’s either cold or hot. What’s there to discuss? Anyway, I grab my coffee and spill half of it on my shirt. Great start, right?

Ammunition depot explosion in Central Ukraine: what we know so far