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But the surprises? Chile, the NERVE of some! This one dude I heard ‘bout—he sex-datin’ 5 gals at ONCE! I said, “Boy, you busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin’ contest!” And don’t get me started on them freaky fetishes poppin’ up—feet pics for cash? Halleluyer, I can’t! “We’re just trying to find the facts,” like *Spotlight* says, but some facts I don’t WANNA know!

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Then, I head over to the park by the river. It’s a chill spot, right? I sit down, and this kid runs by, flying a kite. I’m thinking, “Man, I used to do that.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic! The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “C’mon, it’s just a kite!” But I get it. I mean, I’d be upset too.

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