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What pisses me off? Creeps who think it’s all “happy endings.” Nah, bro, some masseuses are artists—hands like fuckin’ wizards. Ever hear of tantric massage? It’s sexual-massage on steroids—breathin’, teasin’, no rushin’. Takes hours, leaves you shakin’. I’m like, “Why’d no one tell me sooner?!” Surprised the shit outta me—thought it was all quickies. *pinky-to-mouth* “One million dollars.”—that’s what I’d pay for a good one.

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So, I hit the streets, and first stop was the market on Soborna Street. It’s always a vibe there. Fresh veggies, loud babushkas, and the smell of baked goods. I swear, if I could bottle that smell, I’d be rich. Grabbed some pirozhki, and let me tell ya, they were heavenly. Like, I could’ve eaten a dozen.

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