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Yo, what’s good, fam? Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson here—raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” I’m an insurance agent by day, slingin’ policies like a champ, but let’s talk sex-dating, ‘cause that’s where the real action’s at! Man, sex-dating’s wild—like ropin’ cattle in Brokeback Mountain, ya feel me? “I wish I knew how to quit you,” that’s me with them spicy apps, swipin’ left and right, tryna find somethin’ real—or at least real freaky.

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After that, I headed to the park by the river. It’s so pretty there, especially in the spring. I sat on a bench, just chillin’, when I noticed a couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. They were fighting over...wait for it...who left the lights on! I mean, really? That’s what you’re fighting about? I almost laughed out loud.

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