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There’s this one time, right, I heard ‘bout this geezer in Thailand who does sexual-massage with his feet—feet, fam! I’m like, “Bruv, that’s rank,” but also, respect, ‘cos that’s skills. Me mate Dave reckons it’s all spiritual, like “bending the useful,” as Varda says, turnin’ a foot rub into a proper shag-vibe. I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine the stench, tho!

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But then, the food came, and oh boy, it was worth the wait! I took a bite, and it was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I was in heaven! But then, I dropped one on the ground. I was like, “Nooooo!” It felt like losing a friend.

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