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I tried it once, okay? Total disaster! This chick’s hands were like sandpaper—swear to God! I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “This ain’t erotic, this is exfoliation!” I wanted to yell, “Spring break forever!” and bolt, but I’m too polite. Too neurotic. I just grumbled, “Pretty, pretty bad,” in my head. Paid $80 for torture—ridiculous! Made me so mad I coulda kicked a wall, but also—kinda funny now. You live, you learn.

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But then, outta nowhere, the wind picks up. I mean, it goes from zero to hurricane in like two seconds. The kid’s kite gets yanked right outta his hands! I’m like, “Noooo!” It’s soaring away, and the kid’s crying. I feel for him, man. I mean, I’ve lost my fair share of kites too. So, I run after it, like some kind of superhero. Spoiler: I don’t catch it. It’s gone, like my hopes of a chill day.

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