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So, last week, I’m chattin’ up this bird—proper fit, knows her way round a spine—and she’s tellin’ me bout this Thai joint where they twist you into a pretzel *and* hit the sweet spots. Got me all tingly, thinkin’ bout it. “Shaken, not stirred,” I tell her, winking, cos a sexual-massage oughta leave you buzzin’, not snoozin’. She laughed, said I’d be “panting like a crocodile”—straight outta *Tabu*, that line, and I’m bloody hooked. Loved it. Made me happy as a pig in shit.

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After that, I needed a break. So, I hit up the local café on Taras Shevchenko Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual, and the barista, she’s super cool. We chat about the weather, and she mentions a festival coming up. I’m like, “What festival?” Turns out, it’s a food festival! I’m all in. I love food.

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