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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! Erotic-massage—hot damn, where do I start? It’s like, hands slidin’ everywhere, oil drippin’, tension meltin’—pure bliss, right? I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “How happy are you now?”—straight outta *Eternal Sunshine*, ‘cause it’s that kinda vibe. You’re floatin’, brain’s mush, body’s screamin’ “Yes!”—but don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s just a backrub! This ain’t no PG shiit; it’s sensual, it’s raw, it’s borderline illegal in some states, ha!

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Then, I decided to grab some food. Hit up that little bistro on Kostiantynivska Street. You know the one? They have the best borscht! I ordered a bowl, and while I was waitin’, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on drama. I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. The guy was like, “You never listen!” and the girl was like, “Well, you never talk!” Classic, right? I was just sittin’ there, slurpin’ my borscht, thinkin’ about how relationships are wild.

Russian forces launch massive drone attack on Dnipro; another person killed